Courtney Love 1997 book Matching her online rant but date changes

In her online post on Kitty radio (formally Hole.com) written sometime in 2002, Courtney Love retells the story in her own words. The timeline begins Friday night with the realization of Kurt's disappearance from Exodus.

• She jumps in a cab and searches several local dealer's houses in LA. 

• Calls Exodus, calls Silva, Rosemary, ).<br>• Hiring of private investigator, Tom, and delivery of strategic instructions.She drives around in a Cab with Kat in LA to several dealers looking for Kurt, she returns and makes several phone calls to management. She calls Eric back in Seattle and tells him to check the airline schedule. to grab the guns and ammo from the house. That same day she hires Grant and sends him to Seattle right away. On Sunday morning she gets arrested. This was a clear alibi as she herself states in an audio recording with Grant, whome she also asks for advice on the matter although Grant leaves that part out in his book "The Mysterious Death of Kurt Cobain".

Courtney: “If it goes as a rumor and I deny it, and I can deny it all the way to the bank. And actually, people will believe me if I deny it. If I say, you know, it never happened. Because everybody knows that Kurt’s in rehab, right? But it’s not in the press.” 

Tom: “Right.” 

Courtney: “So Kurt felt, from Kurt’s perspective I’m sure this is how he feels. Even though he had those ten days when he was out of his fucking mind [after the Rome overdose]. He’s in total denial about that. So he feels that after Italy, he felt pressured to go to treatment by his management. He didn’t feel like he belonged there. And [Kurt] left, and I had come down to LA with the baby to support him, and our nanny, to support him. And when he left [drug rehab] I got very depressed and had to be hospitalized for a nervous, for some sort of nervous breakdown. I could say that to them as a hospital worker. That way there’s no drugs involved.” 

Tom: “Yeah.” 

Courtney: “And, you know, the sympathy goes to me. And Kurt doesn’t get in any trouble because it looks like he’s not supposed to be in rehab and he is in the first place. And he felt pressured and so he jumped over the wall [at Exodus Recovery]. Alright? I mean, how’s that for a spin? It’s gonna appear that I attempted suicide.” 

Tom: “Yeah.” 

Courtney: “I have a record coming out. So selfishly, it might even help sell records!”

So her "get arrested" reminder was set into action on the 7th. On Sunday we can only guess what she was up to, and on Monday she claims to have woken up at Exodus and learns from Rosemary that Kurt is dead. My guess is that she chartered a flight to Seattle late Sunday night, went to the house and was the one spotted by Joe and Bonnie as well as a few other reported witnesses.  

In 1997 she self-published a book because I doubt this person even exist, she uses the events of the 7th later on and moves them back to Sunday in her kitty radio post. Interestingly enough, she states making several call to John Silva who was originally the last person reported to have seen Kurt Cobain which was on Sunday according to the April 8th 1994 Seattle Times paper.

In this book she skips over April 3rd and 4th. What did she do on the 3rd and the early hours of the 4th? She says in her online rant that she canceled Kurts credit cards right before getting arrested Sunday morning, just shortly after Eric had returned back to the hotel (who she sends back to Seattle) but again, when she wakes up the next day, she is told by Rosemary Carroll that he's dead. 

Chapter Eighteen - Pages one sixty-nine through one seventy-three. From the 1997 book "Courtney Love: The Real Story", by Poppy Z. Bright.

On March 25, in utter desperation, Courtney staged what is known in drug-counseling circles as an intervention. Krist Novoselic, Pat Smear, Kurt's old friend Dylan Carlson, and three of Nirvana's managers came to the house and took turns talking to him for five hours. They all threatened to abandon him, to fire him, to leave him to choose between life and death. Kurt sat through it with his eyes open, but nobody could tell if he heard them.

When the session was over, Courtney could see that it hadn't worked. Kurt had only been waiting for them to shut up so he could go take drugs. At that point she knew that, barring a miracle, her husband was going to kill himself.

At last she convinced him to enter the Exodus Center, a detox clinic in Marina del Rey, California, where he had been before. They agreed to send an ambulance for Kurt, but when it arrived, Kurt refused to get in. The attendants wrestled him out of the house. Courtney followed them outside and saw Kurt surrounded by people, spitting in any face that came near his, screaming at the top of his still-formidable lungs, "FUCK YOU!!! FUCK YOU!!! FUCK YOU!!!".

One of the attendants from Exodus pulled Courtney aside. "Legally, we can't force him to go," he told her. "If you love your husband, you'll go to L.A., and he'll follow you there."

Courtney saw that there was a car waiting for her. The managers flocked around her, tried to pull her into the car. She saw the top of Kurt's blonde head whipping furiously back and forth. She didn't want to go, but she knew she couldn't stay here anymore, not right now. Maybe these people knew what they were talking about, and Kurt would follow her to L.A.

"Goodbye," she called out to Kurt as she slipped into the car, but she didn't think he heard her.

Geffen's release of Live Through This was just two weeks away.

Courtney checked into the Peninsula Beverly Hills hotel, installing Frances and Jackie in an adjacent suite. Kurt called several times over the next few days. It was all Courtney could do not to fly home at once, but the intervention people insisted that she mustn't. Kurt would nod off on the phone, then become lucid and say, "Yeah, I'm gonna come check in." Instead, he wandered around Seattle for several days, turning up at Linda's Tavern, Ohm's comic-book shop, his drug dealer's house, looking sick, hollow, ghastly. The Los Angeles Times reported that Nirvana had pulled out of Lollapalooza, which was the first Courtney had heard of it. Amazingly, she didn't go ballistic; she knew that whatever happened now, Kurt would probably never tour again.

On March 30, Kurt and Dylan Carlson went to Stan Baker Sports and bought a Remington M11 twenty-gauge shotgun. Dylan signed for the purchase, paying $308.87 in cash. Despite the fact that he had been present at the intervention, Dylan Carlson says he had no idea Kurt was suicidal, and believed him when he said he wanted the gun for protection.

Kurt went home and stashed his prize. While he was at the house, Courtney called, and this time she persuaded him to come to L.A. Perhaps it was easier for him to go knowing he had the gun to come back to.

When Kurt arrived at Exodus, Courtney was forbidden to visit him for three days. "It wouldn't be healthy for your relationship," his counselor told her. Courtney was in agony because she couldn't see Kurt, and it appeared to her that she was being blamed (again) for his addiction. She was too desperate to fight their opinions; she just wanted them to make Kurt better. "I was actually listening to the grown-ups," she says.

On April 1, the nanny brought Frances to visit her father. He played with her for a little while, then saw them off and called Courtney from the pay phone in the hall. "No matter what happens," he told her, "I want you to know you made a really good record."

"Well... what do you mean?"

"Just remember, no matter what, I love you." He hung up. A few hours later, he went out to smoke a cigarette and climbed over the wall at the rear of the hospital grounds. Then he made his way to LAX, bought a ticket with his American Express card, and flew back to Seattle.

When Courtney found out Kurt had jumped the fence, she assumed he was still in L.A., She canceled his credit card, thinking he would call her when his money ran out. She went on a telephone crusade, calling rock stars to get drug dealers' numbers, calling drug dealers, driving around to their houses to satisfy herself that Kurt wasn't there.

In Seattle, Kurt went straight home. On the morning of April 2, he spoke briefly to Frances' former nanny, Michael "Cali" Dewitt, a guest in the house. Cali later told investigators that Kurt had looked sick but hadn't said anything overly strange. After seeing Cali, Kurt took a cab downtown to purchase twenty-five shotgun cartridges at Seattle Guns. At 8:40 A.M., he tried to call Courtney but was blocked by the hotel switchboard, even though she had told them to hold all calls except those from her husband.

Kurt's last few days are a mystery, filled with conflicting stories and apocryphal sightings, unlikely claims and too-strenuous denials.

On April 5, he returned to the now-deserted house. He took Chim-Chim and hid the tiny plastic monkey in a secret spot, where Courtney would find it months later. He left the TV on. He retrieved the shotgun and climbed the nine weathered wooden steps to the greenhouse above the garage, where he locked one set of French doors and wedged a stool beneath the knobs of the other.

Looking out over dreary Lake Washington, Kurt smoked six cigarettes, drank some root beer, and scratched out a note to "Boddah," an invisible friend from his childhood. Then he injected a triple dose of heroin, and before it could incapacitate him, he took the shotgun's barrel into his mouth and pulled the trigger. The noise was shattering, but the silence was endless. Over the next two days, guests, workmen, and delivery people entered and left the house and grounds. No one looked in the greenhouse; there was no reason to, since you couldn't see into it from below. Night came in and shrouded the ruin; daylight glistened upon its cooling surfaces.

On the morning of April 7, Courtney was arrested at the Beverly Hills Peninsula. She called downstairs and asked for a dose of Benadryl, sleepily blurting out that she thought she might be having an allergic reaction to a new prescription. The desk clerk sent up a security guard. Upon judging Courtney to be "agitated," the rent-a-cop called paramedics and police. Courtney was certainly agitated: "What the fuck are you doing? Where's my Benadryl?" She became even more agitated when several policemen burst into the room and started ransacking her belong- ings. It seemed to her that more than one piece of jewelry disappeared during the search.

The officer in charge was a Detective Butkis. He reported that they had searched Courtney's "vomit and blood-spattered room" and found a syringe, a prescription pad, and a small, fancily wrapped packet containing a substance they believed to be heroin. (This turned out to be vibbhuti, Hindu good-luck ashes given to Courtney by Rosemary Carroll.) Butkis charged her with being "inebriated in the city of Beverly Hills" and took her to Century City Hospital, where a doctor said she was not high.

Nonetheless, when David Geffen learned of the incident, he called Courtney and urged her to check into rehab. She acquiesced in his wishes; maybe everyone would leave her the fuck alone there. And maybe Kurt would turn up. But she was terribly afraid for him. She and Kurt had always shared the same dreams -not detail for detail, but interwoven somehow. But for the last two nights, Courtney hadn't had any dreams.

She woke up in Exodus on April 8 and turned on the TV to the hospital channel, a tape loop of soaring birds, crashing surf, and other soothing images set to new-age music. She was about to flip through the channels when Rosemary Carroll came in. Rosemary immediately glanced at the TV, then looked at her. From that gesture, and from Rosemary's face, Courtney knew.

She thought Kurt had been found dead from an overdose. Despite the guns, she had always thought that was what would happen.

"How?" she said, just to make sure, and Rosemary told her.